Kids

I've taught many hundreds of kids over the years and would like to share a few things I've learned with you.

When parents started asking me to train their children, I decided first to get trained myself by a kids-mindfulness teacher named Susan Kaiser Greenland.   

She suggested wonderful short exercises that I adopted and then slowly adapted to my own way of teaching and the kids I was working with.  She also recommended making sure kids' basic needs are first met before asking them to practice mindfulness exercises--how can a child focus if they're feeling unsafe, starving or exhausted?

Assuming those basic needs are met, what I discovered with my son and other very young kids, is that they are amazing at staying in the moment--usually much more so than adults.  Indeed, we can learn a lot from children by leaving our agenda behind and entering their more timeless experience.

However, as infants become toddlers, children and then teenagers, they take on more and more of our adult way of being.  They seem to easily absorb our frantic energy, our anxieties, our strivings, our fears, our confusion, and so on.  

Of course they come with their own unique way of being too.  So we are really talking about a very complex combination of nature and nurture that is involved in producing the miracle of a young person.  

Amazingly, despite all that complexity, simple meditation/mindfulness exercises seem to work remarkably well for many kids--not everyone, of course, but most kids I have worked with have responded positively.  

Breathing exercises, body scans, listening to sounds, movement exercises, doing nothing--these all seem to generally work well to help kids focus, relax, get in touch with emotions, etc.  As kids get older, I usually include more discussion about meditation/mindfulness, being aware, noticing reactivity, making good decisions, etc.  

Speaking of making good decisions, my son and numerous young people we know attended the Todd Martin Youth Leadership (TMYL) program, which infuses leadership training with tennis training.  I have been teaching mindfulness skills for that program for some years now and just love connecting with their young participants of all ages.   

If you have children in your life and are wondering how to introduce meditation and mindfulness to them, I can share with you how I did it with my son.  The number one tip?  Practice yourself.  

Once you see how it works and have developed a little skillfulness, then you can share it with a child.  And even if that doesn't work out, they will see you practice and maybe decide to practice when they are older.

Here is how I introduced meditation and mindfulness to my son: 

Infant, Toddler, Childhood

When my son was a baby, I noticed he was in the present moment pretty much constantly and there was really nothing to teach him.  

Occasionally as a toddler, he started expressing fears about everyday events like our cat dying, and so I started teaching him simple mindfulness techniques like breathing or a body scan to help calm him down.  I sat with him or lay down next to him and we practiced together as I guided the very short sessions.  This was nothing formal--it happened naturally during the course of a gentle conversation.

During his childhood, there were times when we practiced together daily--especially when he asked me to practice with him, like during bedtime, and often I would fall asleep before he did.  Our practice times did plant some seeds for him, and I noticed that when he experienced challenges, he practiced a few minutes on his own to help calm and soothe himself.  

During those childhood years, I never forced it, never even encouraged it much, and only occasionally asked if he practiced.  But he did know that I practiced daily.

One evening, after I came home from teaching classes, my son asked me to review all the techniques I taught and then said, "Dad, I already know all those techniques, don't you have anything else for me?"  

Teenage Years

And as he became a teenager, our conversations sometimes veered into how life was going for him, how his interests were changing, or observations about his friendships.  

Sometimes we decided it was a good idea to practice meditation together--especially if he indicated some fear or concern or confusion that he couldn't shake.  Later he shared that even if the situation didn't change, through mindful awareness, his attitude towards it did. 

The older he got, the more adult-like our conversations became, and we discussed how our state of mind can affect how we react and in this way help shape events.  We started discussing the nature of awareness, and by this time, rather than practicing together, I would only give a few pointers on what to do.  

I am convinced that simple meditation and mindfulness techniques have helped him stay relatively present throughout his life--whether in school, with friends or in sports.  These techniques probably helped increase his focus and awareness and accelerate his learning from mistakes.  

Hopefully, this little summary of teaching meditation to my son will help you with your child!  Remember, the number one tip is to practice yourself.